Is it her weight or something else?

3:06 pm May 5th, 2014

By Tillie Vuksich
Dear Tillie,
I’ve been struggling with my weight for years, but it’s come to the point where it is affecting my married life.  My husband isn’t as affectionate any more and we haven’t been intimate in quite a while.  I’m thinking about getting plastic surgery or Lap Band surgery.  It might put us in the poor house for a bit, but I have tried every diet out there and the weight just comes back with a vengeance!  What you think?  Is surgery my best option to get my man’s attention?
-Weighed Down

Dear Weighed Down,
I think it’s best for you to examine all your options before choosing surgery. It’s costly and invasive, and it may not be the permanent fix you hope it to be.  Plus, your husband’s lack of sex drive may be an actual physical issue on his part. You’ve seen the Viagra ads on TV, I’m sure.  It’s common for men to experience low sex drive or impotence during their lives, and that my dear, has nothing to do with you! So talk to him about why he isn’t trying to drag you to the bedroom daily and see if there are other factors than your weight holding him back. Maybe he’s simply waiting for you to make the first move. 
As for your weight, most people have struggled with their weight at some point in their lives.  Surgery is sometimes the best option for people who need drastic change and can alter their lifestyle to adapt to the new system of diet and exercise laid out by their physician.  However, most folks I know who are wanting a change do it the old fashioned way; eat less junk, eat more veggies and fruit, and be active for at least an hour a day. It’s not the fastest approach, but it is the safest and cheapest! 
Consider changing your thought process from “I want to get skinny” to “I want to get healthy.” Your health is more valuable to you and your family than being a certain size.  Most of all, anything you choose to do, do it for yourself. As a woman, we tend to put our needs last, but how can we give our best to others if we don’t invest in ourselves?
I know joining a gym can be overwhelming at first, but I think it’s a great way for you to learn about exercises and use all types of machines and tools to see what you like and what you don’t. Plus, it’s very motivational, at least for me, to see people of all ages working on their health and fitness. I go to Mountain Fitness in Eatonville, and there is an amazing 89 year old woman who is a regular. She is now my hero and the kind of woman I hope to be at 89! 
It’s small changes that will have the greatest impact on your well being, and sex life, so take it one step at a time and you will find yourself where you want to be. You can do it!

Tillie Vuksich lives in Eatonville. Send your questions to

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