New year, new you, right?-á Maybe you have some new commitments to your health. Maybe there are some habits you are committed to finally breaking. Or maybe you are going to take more time to connect with your partner or your kids.
We make all of these well-intentioned declarations. We believe that this is the year we will really stick with them. We are excited and hopeful. And then daily life shows up to remind us that it is more than just making the resolutions, it's also about taking action.
Now, it's one thing when your goal is to eat better or exercise more GÇô you are your biggest obstacle in these goals.-á But what about when we decide to be more calm and centered in our parenting? Or more peaceful and loving? It's not just ourselves we are dealing with GÇô it is also those little people in front of us. And man, can they send us to crazy town!
So while you have made a commitment to grow into a more peaceful parent, your kids are still going to show up with all of the challenges and emotional turmoil that was around before you decided to be parent differently.
Our kids trigger us emotionally GÇô no doubt about it.-á We have all had our own emotional meltdowns and found ourselves yelling or threatening the kids.-á But is it helpful?-á Well, if the goal is to get them to cower and obey, it can be. If the goal is to help them be reflective and learn life skills, not so much. And how do we feel afterward? Guilty, ashamed, disconnected.
Well my friends, I am going to give you five alternatives for those moments when you want to yell at your kids.-á Because there is, indeed, a space there for us to decide to respond rather than react. And responding typically leads to some powerful parenting GÇô while reacting generally lead to pain.
Breathe GÇô Yes, I know you all have heard, "Just take some deep breaths and count to 10.GÇ¥ And if you are like me, you are thinking that isn't really very helpful. So let's change it up a bit. Notice where tension shows up in your body when you are ready to yell at your kids. Take deep breaths and visualize it going into that spot and releasing the tension. Seriously, do it. Do it as many times as you need until you find your calm.
Change your posture GÇô It might sound weird, but once you start to pay attention, you will notice that your body has it's own "fight stance.GÇ¥ For most of us, its shoulders up and in, weight forward and tension all over. When you feel like you are ready to come unglued, try pulling your shoulders back and down, feeling your feet on the floor, imagine yourself grounding into the floor and rooting into your values. This becomes super powerful when done with the deep breathing I mentioned before.
Humor GÇô Lighten up, people! And believe me, I need this message just as much as the next person. Raising kids is supposed to be a joyful experience. In those challenging moments with your kids, find some humor!-á Talk to your kids about how you feel like your head might explode into a million little pieces and wouldn't that be weird? Laugh at yourself. Humor creates space for love.
Movement-á GÇô Movement engages our cortex: our thinking brain. Movement pulls us out of our emotional midbrain.-á This is huge! It is only when we are using our cortex that we can tap into compassion, empathy and problem-solving. So when the urge to lay into the kids shows up, move. I like to put on an upbeat song and say, "OK, looks like we need a dance party!GÇ¥ Jumping jacks or a run around the yard works, too.
Exit GÇô Sometimes we just need to exit the scene. It's OK to walk away when you find yourself flooded with feelings.-á If this shows up for you a lot, let your kids in on your work by telling them, "I am going to walk away when I feel angry because I don't like how it feels when I yell at you.GÇ¥ Let them in on this before you use this tool, so they know what is going on in the moment.
Now, will all these tools work all the time for every situation you find yourself in? No. Will a consistent practice help your body become more familiar with a new way to handle your emotions? For sure.
We are human beings, folks, imperfect and emotional. The goal is not perfection. The goal is improvement, which requires action. Our kids learn so much from watching us navigate the messiness of life, which includes when we (parents) throw our own tantrums. And if we are hoping to raise kids who turn into adults that value kindness and emotional intelligence, then we must model what that looks like.
Practice these tools and take "you are in charge of yourselfGÇ¥ to a whole new level.
Registration is now open for my Centered Parenting Ecourse. Get 25 percent off with the coupon code "MONROEMONITOR.GÇ¥ You can find more information on my website www.joyfulcourage.com.
Casey O'Roarty is a wife, mother, Positive Discipline Trainer and Life Coach. Most days she is walking her talk with her own family in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.-á Visit her website to read her blog, listen to her podcast or find out about her online and live offers around parenting and showing up as our best self.
Comments
Use the comment form below to begin a discussion about this content.
Sign in to comment