Savvy Senior: How to write a loved one's obituary

Dear Savvy Senior,

Can you provide any tips on how to write an obituary? My dad, who has terminal cancer, has asked me to write his obituary, which will be published in the funeral program and run in our local newspaper.

Not a Writer

Dear Not,

I’m very sorry to hear about your dad’s prognosis. Writing your dad’s obituary would be a nice way for you to honor him and sum up his life, not to mention avoiding any possible mistakes that sometimes occur when obituaries are hurriedly written at the time of death. Here’s what you should know, along with some tips and tools to help you write it.

Contact the Newspaper

Before you start writing your dad’s obituary, your first step is to check with the newspaper you want it to run in. Some newspapers have specific style guidelines or restrictions on length, some only accept obituaries directly from funeral homes and some only publish obituaries written by newspaper staff members.

If your newspaper accepts family-written obits, find out if they have a template to guide you, or check with your dad’s chosen funeral provider. Most funeral homes provide forms for basic information and will write the full obituary for you as part of the services they provide.

You also need to be aware that most newspapers charge by the word, line or column inch to publish an obituary, so your cost will vary depending on your newspaper’s rate and the length of your obit — most range between 200 and 600 words.

Also note that many newspapers offer free public service death listings too, which only include the name of the person who died along with the date and location of death and brief details about the funeral or memorial service.

Obituary Contents

Depending on how detailed you want to be, the most basic information in an obituary usually would include your dad’s full name (and nickname if relevant), age, date of birth, date of death, where he was living when he died, significant other (alive or dead), and details of the funeral service (public or private). If public, include the date, time, and location of service.

Other relevant information you may also want to include: cause of death (optional); place of birth and his parents’ names; his other survivors including his children, other relatives, friends and pets and where they live; family members who preceded his death; high school and colleges he attended and degrees earned; his work history and military service; his hobbies, accomplishments and any awards he received; his church or religious affiliations; any clubs, civic and fraternal organizations he was members of; and any charities he feels strongly about that he would like people to donate to either in addition to or in lieu of flowers or other gifts. You’ll also need to include a photo of your dad.

Need Help?

If you need some help writing your dad’s obituary there are free online resources you can turn to like Legacy.com, which provides tips and articles at Legacy.com/advice/guide-to-writing-an-obituary. Or consider the 25-page e-book “Writing an Obituary in Four Easy Steps” available at DearPersonObits.com for $5. This guide will help you gather the details of your dad’s life so you can write an obituary that will reflect his personality and story.

Online Memorials

Many families today also choose to post their loved one’s obituaries online and create digital memorials. Some good sites that offer this are MyKeeper.com, GatheringUs.com and EverLoved.com, which provide a central location where family and friends can visit to share stories, memories and photos to celebrate your dad’s life.

Or, if your dad used Facebook, you could also turn his profile into a memorial (you’ll need to show proof of death) where family and friends can visit and share anytime.

Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.